I knew this day would come ....

I'm so happy for my family who has supported me through all the struggles. I'm happy for my friends who have helped me along the way and been there when times were tough. But today is one of the happiest days of my life! I would like to announce to everyone that I am declaring for the 2013 Draft and taking my talents to the league!!! I know what you're thinking ... I'm a 40 year old, mostly broken down, ground bound jump shooter ... you can't make it in the League. But hey!!! 20 college underclassman have already declared for the draft, another 10 or 15 (tournament darlings like scUM's Trey Burke, GRIII, Hardaway Jr & Mitch McGary, the Ville's Russ Smith & Gorgui Dieng, Cuse's Michael Carter-Smith along with lesser unknowns Otto Porter Jr., Alex Len, Kelly Olynyk and Marcus Smart) will declare for the draft in the coming days, plus the graduating seniors who have an NBA future (like Jeff Withey of Kansas, Mason Plumlee & Seth Curry of Duke) ***** Phil Pressey of Missouri just declared so 21 underclassmen have now declared ***** and 10-15 Europeans. That means there are ... give or take ... my math is a little rusty ... 60 or so players vying for 30 guaranteed paying positions. What's that you say?? Everybody in the NBA gets paid?? Well yes .. you are correct .. if you make the NBA you do get paid. But only 1st round draft picks sign guaranteed contracts - which guarantee you get paid! - and 2nd round draft picks only get paid if they make the team. Of the 60 players drafted in the 2012 NBA draft, 10 (including 9 2nd rounders) draftees have never set foot on an NBA court and another 15 players (all 2nd rounders) haven't been on an NBA roster for the entire season. So 25 of the 60 draft picks - 42% - aren't drawing much salary at all. A D-League (the NBA's other minor league - the NCAA being the main NBA minor league) salary ranges from $12-$24K ... barely above minimum wage yearly salaries. All this number mumbo jumbo means one thing: What does the team drafting me have to lose?!?! I'm fine with being a 2nd round NBA pick and joining the 24 of 30 guys who don't stick in the league. I'll show up to summer league out of shape, take a lot of ill advised 24 footers, play enough defense that I cross half court and general be disinterested in the game. When it's time for training camp, I'll rinse-dry-fold-repeat the aforementioned behavior until I get cut or sent to hell the Erie BayHawks for a stint in the D-League. Of course they'll cut me in under a week and I'll be out on the mean streets of Mason (or back in the classroom ... but let's not distract from my fantasy!). Now some of those guys who are leaving college early might view a life of McDonald's drive-thru level salaries as something undesirable, but I already have a salary!!! Duh!!! Imagine it as Scott Kerr's Fantasy Basketball Camp if you will ... and then I'll join Royce White among the NBA draft picks who never played a game in the league. Not a bad badge to hold onto!!!!

A minute for Sunday's Mad Men premier ... Excellent. Now I know what all you Johnny-come-lately's are saying .. "It was soooooo slow" .. "The episode ended without anything getting resolved" .. "The storylines aren't making any sense" .. "Joan was only in it for 5 minutes total!!" (okay .. maybe the last one was what I said!!) .. but watching Mad Men is an acquired taste - much like the liquor Don permanently imbibes - while not inhaling the wacky tobaccy - before hurling chunks during funerals. Matty Weiner's scripts are a mystery inside an enigma wrapped up by a riddle. One important fact to remember is Don Draper only has this season plus one to conquer as many NYC females as he can!! (Well ... that's if you can believe Matty Weiner's claim he is only doing 7 seasons of the show. It's a cash cow for AMC and I gotta believe they will make a GodFather offer to keep it around for a little longer). The show is already starting the big wind down so there will be several slow developing story lines to stretch out over two seasons. The highlights? Don Juan back on the prowl, this time with his neighbor's wife .... the same neighbor he helped ski out of the building during a blizzard to go operate on somebody's heart!!! Always the gentleman that Don Draper!!! Don also has a fetish for reading books suggested to him by his extramarital lovers ... this time it was Dante's Inferno. Good choice!!! I know they have January Jones in a fat suit for her role as Betty Draper Francis (technology is getting better and better with those fat suits!), but what I didn't know was they had a Don Draper suit for Peggy to wear!! The way Peggy harangued those poor copywriters at her new firm made you think she had Don's pe .... ummmmm .... male organ between her legs. Peggy continued her habit of finding tag lines in trashcans (if you remember her big break on the Belle Jolie lipstick ad ... take that you Johnny-come-latelys!!) by rescuing the Koss headphones commercial using some discarded film footage. Roger Sterling on a psychologist's couch yielded some good zingers, but his pathetic attempt to sleep with his first ex-wife (and real off-screen wife BTW!) and subsequent breakdown upon receiving a deceased man's shoeshine box cast him as a rather forlorn figure heading into season six. Those Megan Pare fan's out there may be wondering why she isn't in my highlights ... well I don't like her teeth. There I said it! Get some veneers or braces Mrs. Ed .. then I'll talk about you.

The Reds can be summed up in a few words. Lost last night to the Cards. Dusty started a guy in leftfield he cut 8 days ago to "keep him sharp." The fact the guy is fast should concern everyone in Reds land. Dusty has a fetish with fast/no hit outfielders rivaled only by Don Draper's 'I'm sleeping with you' book club. A serving of Corey Patterson anyone? How about a plate Wily Taveras? Or the seasoned breeze of Drew Stubbs? I thought the roster was Dusty-proofed. I was wrong. Speaking of wrong ... tomorrow we'll look at the great medical advice proffered the past couple season by Doc Hollywood! Poor Sean Nick Massett Joey Votto Marshall.

Okay .. I'm out. Talk tomorrow!