I'm angling for Jon Stewart's job!

I know ... I've missed a couple days ... But don't worry I'm not going to be sending you that late text. My brain has more thoughts than Oz has flying monkeys and they need to get out!!! Originally I was going to copy an @sportsguy33 trick tonight and live diary tonight's NBA Finals game. Then I slapped myself upside my head and said, "The Great One doesn't copy anyone!!" The thought seeds have been planting in my fertile brain and grown under the beautiful Ohio sun. I've cut them, dried them and toasted them since my last blog so I'm really feeling it tonight. With no further ado, it's late night with the KerrDawg!!!

Hey .. I just saw the trailer .. and this is crazy .. but it's coming out soon .. so go see Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter maybe. Man, is Hollywood out of ideas or what??? Why not George Washington, Vampire Hunter??? Because he had wooden teeth??? What about Old Hickory Andrew Jackson as the vampire hunter??? At least Andy was known to duel his enemies, and if his stories are to be believed some of those enemies perished. I'm digressing but the thought entered my brain after listening to Rob Portman - Terrace Parkian and potential Veep with Mitt Roboto - talk about the ghosts of the Golden Lamb. Portman's family has owned the Golden Lamb since 1926 (Ever wonder why George W stopped by in 2004 & Sarah Palin brough her naughy librarian act in 2008? Duh!! He was tight with W and held several jobs in his administration. It wasn't because Lebanon is so scenic - sorry Lebanites!), so if anyone would be qualified to discuss the happenings on the fourth floor or the portly gentlemen wandering the halls of the oldest inn west of the Appalachian Mountains it's Rob Portman. If I'm Mitt Roboto, Rob Portman is a shoo in as Veep. Why?? Well for one, the White House is considered one of the most haunted places in the United States!!  And guess who the most common apparition appearing in the White House is?? Ding ding ding ding .... Abraham Lincoln!! Winner, winner chicken dinner!! Maybe those Hollywood guys aren't so far off. If Lincoln, when locked in a mortal battle with the fanged undead, had been turned by the evil beast into a vampire himself it would go a long way to explaining all the sightings of Lincoln in the White House. The list of famous politicians and Presidents who have claimed to see Honest Abe is long and distiguished, including Teddy Roosevelt, Winston Churchill, JFK and the Obamas. Maybe Abe isn't the hunter, he's the hunted!! It would also explain why he looks so weird and has patchy hair all over his head and face. That or Marfan's syndrome.

(I should note here that I am not a believer in vampires or zombies or ghosts. I do believe in pennies from Heaven however and know that my grandfathers leave pennies around for me all the time.)

The Reds are currently trying to lose their second game in a row after ripping off six W's in a row (no, not former Texas Rangers owner George W ... Wins!). I'm sure you'll call me a pessimist, but it's the most frustrating good Reds team I can remember ... and I'm old enough to remember a lot of Reds teams. Tonight they got really good pitching from Mike Leake, but gave away at-bat after at-bat (1-10 in RISP, but props to Mesoraco for battling futilely in the 8th) and are facing an Indians rally in the bottom of the 9th. But my biggest issue continues to be the Dustrating Dustrator, His Dustiness, Dusty Custer. Maybe if His Dustiness would explain his thought process so the media instead of bristling at anyone who dares question his impeccable judgment (I just threw up in my mouth a little!). Using Smokin' Todd Frazier as my case study, I want somebody (anyone ... Bueller .. Baker .. Baker) to explain the Dustrator's thought process toward playing the man. Smokin' Todd has as good a spring as any player on the squad .... and then was sent down to keep Willie Horton (Harris .. I know .. but he's been stealing money from the club all year!!!). The Scott Rolen breaks down and the Reds go 21-21 in games Smokin' Todd starts. Smokin' Todd hits 7 HRs and drives in 22 runs while Rolen rehabbed a shoulder only to see Rolen reclaim the hot corner **** update - extra innings **** as soon as he was reinstated from the DL. Rolen is batting .188!!! Wally Pipp was hitting .230 when a guy named Lou Gehrig replaced him for the next 2,130 consecutive (that's right Dusty and Dustpologists ... a played didn't need a break for 2,130 games!!) Now is Smokin' Todd Frazier a Lou Gehrig??? *** update - nice bunt Cozart! Not! 1-11 with RISP *** No, but 21-12 speaks for itself. The Reds with Rolen starting at 3rd? 9-14. I know .. I'm a dumb, bald, fat, social studies teacher and high school basketball coach ... what do I know??? Winning ... that's what I know. Learned it from Charlie Sheen (A huuuuuggggggeeeeee Reds fan btw). I love Scott Rolen of 2010 the way I loved my waistline in 2010. Neither are as good in 2012. Fact!

The Thunder lead the Heat 49-46 at halftime of game four. This series is over by the way .... Heat in 6 (maybe 5 if James Harden doesn't find his game underneath his nappy beard!) *** update - first & third for Reds in 10th with 2 outs. Votto just beat out an infield single. now 2-12 with RISP but Heisey didn't score. *** I can't even really watch the NBA Finals and it's not because I am *** update - Heisey scores on wild pitch, Votto to 2nd *** a LeHater. I actually hope he wins a ring because LeBron is by far the best all-around basketball player on the planet right now. It's Dwhiny Wade who gets my goat. He a phenomenal basketball player in his own right and he may have a more commanding personality than LeBron, but his skills are far below King James. The only thing Dwhiny has over James is a ring (where he piggybacked on Shaq in the last unstoppable years). *** update - The Cuban Missile has launched from the bullpen. Will he strike his target or implode mid-air? Stay tuned! *** Additionally the Heat get more calls than Heidi Fleiss during Oscars week. Perfect example just happened - Dwhiny was blocked clean but a foul was called. Perkins get hammered from behind and it's no foul. It's like the Clark Cougars v. the Badin Rams. Badin never fouls ... yeah right. Not to mention the end of game two foul against LeBron on Kevin Durant which wasn't called. Tim Donaghy just nods as he watches these games. I wish he blogged!!!

*** update - The Missile is having trouble targeting the strike zone. Runner on 1st with 1 out. ***

I'm out till tomorrow. Jethro arrives on a jetplane tomorrow. The blog fodder continues to germinate!!