I did stay in a Holiday Inn Express last night!

Stopped into school today to tidy some things up before opening up the summer office. Not much going on here but there was a lot going on this weekend!! Let's see ... where to start ... hmmm ...

Today, June 4th, 2012, I'm calling on Congress to investigate several frauds being perpetrated on the American sporting public. Either that or the Eastern Conference NBA finals are being scripted by Vince McMahon and the WWE. Fraud #1: The last three games in the GeriatricsCeltics-Heat series have been digital copies of holographic images projected before a CGI crowd. Evidence? All three have featured the GeriatricsCeltics playing inspired triage basketball (seriously the GeriatricsCeltics have a murse in disguise on the bench to tend to the 52389 injuries those old guys have sustained not to mention fans can't sit behind their bench due to the malodorous Ben-Gay slathered everywhere) in the first half and getting out to big leads only to see the Heat wave back into the game by the end of the third quarter. The fourth quarters have been back and forth affairs designed to maximize TV ratings and advertising revenue before heading to overtime or last shot finishes. There have been enough screwy officiating subplots (LeBron fouled out last night?) to keep David Stern fending off Oliver Stone-Mark Cuban-Tim Donaghy movie scripts for the next three years. It's time for the Commish to admit it: He fixes more than just the draft lottery! Fraud #2: The Miami Heat in the last 24 seconds of a tied game. This fraud is much more insidious since it involves inept coaching, poor execution and player failure ... an unholy triumvirate to say the least. Erik Estrada (from C.H.I.P.S.) would do a better job of impersonating an NBA coach than Erik Spoelstra. Last night he designed a "multi-layer set play to get LeBron the ball on the run" at the end of regulation. The multi-layered trickeration backfired into a Udonis Haslem (who? exactly!) off balance 17 footer after LeBron ran into a triple team. Erik needs to follow the K.I.S.S. theory - Keep It Simple Stupid. Give LeBron or D-Wade the ball with three perimeter shooters so the defense has to stay at home a la Phil Jackson/Michael Jordan/Jon Paxson-Steve Kerr sets to win several NBA finals games. The series takes its storyline back to South Beach for a pivotal game five (in my Marv Albert voice!). No truth to the rumor LeBron and D-Wade asked for Vince McMahon David Stern to appoint MC Hammer as a guest referee ... Can't Touch Them!! I would love to see the GeriatricsCeltics score one for us old folks, but I don't see it happening. In the meantime enjoy John Cena v. the Rock in NBAMania XVIII.

Mitt Romney's campaign revealed his net worth today - $190-$250 million. I find it a little disconcerting for a presidential candidate to have such a poor handle on his money. $60 million somewhere in the stratosphere??? No wonder we have a $14 trillion debt. Of course Obama is no better ... his net worth is between $2.6 - $8.3 million. It's shaping up to be a great choice between super rich and filthy rich in November. And don't mind the disputed dollar signs ... everyone in Washington spends Benjamins like Rich Uncle Pennybags.

Things are heating up in Jolly Old England. The Queen Elizabeth II's Diamond Jubilee (60th anniversary of her reign) kicked off Saturday in London, and I must admit I watched the flotilla in her honor on the River Thames Sunday morning. For those of you who missed this pageant (but managed to catch the Miss U.S.A. ... you win!) imagine Halloween on the water with Union Jacks flying all around in a drizzly rain. Nothing like the gray London sky to background such a joyous occasion!! QEII showed no signs of slowing down at 86 (her mother lived to 102!!) and Britons celebrated excessively all weekend. Her jubilee continues today with a concert by Elton John, Jesse J, Paul McCartney and others just outside Buckingham Palace. The last time she attended a similar concert she wore earplugs. Long live the Queen's eardrums!! London is also ramping up for the Olympic games which begin in just a touch over six weeks. The Queen will be there too to open the games ... no word yet on the earplugs. But sadly in an Olympic year a major rule change to women's sport is going seriously impact my personal viewing choices. The Badminton World Federation dropped its rule requiring females to compete in skirts. The BWF had instituted the rule to make the women more presentable and easier to watch. Bahahaha .... good one. I wouldn't watch women's badminton if they competed in lingerie, however I do watch women's beach volleyball with considerable interest. Go figure!

On Dancing with The Dustrator, the Reds did tried the very complex Texas Three Step over the weekend but could only master the much easier Texas Two Step. Not much controversy on the judges scoring (They're not called the Houston Lastros for nothing!!) except for surrendering a six run lead on Saturday before pulling the game out 12-9. Mat Latos was bad, bad on Saturday and is starting to exhibit some very Aaron Harang (circa 2008-2010) like gopher ball comparisons. Bronson Arroyo threw five bad pitches yesterday, but did strum out four great chords after the game. I'm gonna call it even. I am however embroiled in a dispute of Hatfield-McCoy proportions centering on Joey Vottomatic's rest day last week. One very respected reader thinks I was unfair to His Dustiness in criticizing the Reds forfeit to Pittsburgh when the Dustrator choose to rest Vottomatic in the last game of the Pittsburgh series. So let me clarify my genius for all those who drink from the fountain of knowledge (dripping wet with sarcasm!): Had the Reds won the first and second games of the Pittsburgh series, then resting Vottomatic is fine in my book. The Reds need to win series, especially against the NL Central which is among the weakest divisions in baseball. Yesterday would have been a perfect opportunity to rest JV after dispatching the Lastros on Friday and Saturday. Plus it would have allowed JV to sit out a day game after a night game (always the preferred rest method for Major Leaguers except in Dusty Custer's book) and have a rest day today when the Reds aren't playing. But Dusty reads from his own book and I'm just a balding high school teacher/coach who doesn't chew toothpicks. That puts me one step ahead of Ernest T Bass in many minds!! (Sidenote to younger readers: Ernest T Bass was a troublemaker on the Andy Griffith Show. More famous than Drake for his rhymes like this: Right or wrong I'm here to fight, unless you run away with fright. And if you wonder who I be, it's me, it's me, it's Ernest T!! Whoo hoo!!)

I'm off to our first organized summer practice today. Summer league starts over in Fairfield on Wednesday so it's time to get it on!!! C-Ya tomorrow!!!