That's a clown question bro!

The only alligators I like to touch are on boots, so you'll never catch me trying to feed one. It's too bad I didn't have the opportunity to give Wallace Weatherholt the same advice before a hungry gator in the Everglades turned Wallace into Chubbs Peterson. The good news is Chubbs's hand looked very realistic in 1996 so they should be able to work wonders for Wallace in 2012. There has been a lot of people eating going on near Miami recently, but it's nothing like human feast you'll see if the Heat don't figure out a way to beat the Thunder. The piranhas are circling already, but the sharks will out soon and they'll take off way more than just a hand. LeBron's hairline won't be the only thing missing then!

Henry Hill passed away yesterday in Los Angeles, apparently from natural causes. I say apparently because Henry Hill is famously the mobster the film "Goodfellas" is based on. After a life in crime only a screenwriter could love, Henry entered the witness protection progam and became a rat for the FBI. Henry couldn't stay straight though, and crime serenaded him like the Siren's song of the soft serve machine at Golden Corral seduces fat guys. The FBI finally had enough of his continued criminal ways and gave Henry the witness protection boot. Henry started calling the Howard Stern Show on a regular basis and peddled spaghetti sauce, but it was the film "Goodfellas" which brought him fame (and appearance money!) in his later years. I know Tom Hagen has visited L.A. before (horse's head anyone?), but I'm not sure if he called on Henry recently. Either way I'm calling for a complete investigation for a death attributed to his heart giving out. RIP Henry Hill.

Apparently Bryce Harper (19 year old baseball phenom who plays for the Washington Nationals) was asked if it was wise to pitch to Joey Vottomatic in any situation. Displaying wisdom far beyond his years (and many Major League managers), Harper replied, 'That's a clown question bro!" The young kid couldn't be any more correct!!! Queasy and requiring pre-game IVs, Vottomatic put in a MJ "Flu Game" performance by going 2-4 with a HR, a walk, a run scored and 3 RBIs in the Reds 7-1 victory over the Indians last night. Johnny B Cueto was good last night in a complete game victory to run his record to 7-3. Those two performances are exciting enough, but most impressive to me was the sense of urgency the Reds displayed in getting the win. Sense of urgency is a tough concept to define to a casual sports fan, but it's easy to see with the trained eye. An example from last nights game which was simple but had not been seen in a while was Jay Bruce's sacrifice fly to score Chris Heisey in the 5th inning. When was the last time Reds country saw a sac fly?? Later in the game Ludwick digs hard to go first to third on Hanigan's single and forced an error/overthrow to score as the ball went into the camera box. If Dusty could get the batting order figured out then maybe the Reds offensive impotency would evaporate quicker than ED with Viagra. The biggest change would be getting Dat Dude out of the cleanup spot. Bruuuuuce is the most obviously choice to rake behind Vottomatic, with Dat Dude slotted into the two hole. Stubbs - when he's healthy - needs to be down in the six hole. So the order would look something like this: Cozart/Valdez, Dat Dude, Vottomatic, Bruce, Frazier, Heisey/Ludwick, Heisey/Stubbs, Hanigan/Mesoraco and whoever is pitching. Notice I didn't include Scott Rolen because Smokin' Todd Frazier is a better all-around player right now and I see no reason to move Frazier around the diamond to get his bat in the line-up. It happens ... have you seen Demi Moore lately?? Nothing wrong with her but definitely on the downward slope ... Ashton or not.

Euro2012 update: Portugal beat the Danes 3-2 in a thrilling match before the Dutch laid a stinking egg against the Ultimate Soccer Machine (that's Germany for those of you who aren't soccer savvy). The Dutch look as comfortable playing together as the Real Housewife's of Orange County on a  reunion show. Right now they are the most disappointing team in the tournament.

Okay ... gotta cut it short. Summer league games tonight against Fairfield and Mason for the Cougars. We'll talk tomorrow!