Gotta get him going ... We're gonna need him!!

Name the author of our famous lead-off quote and win fabulous prizes ....

I love Tuesdays because I get to talk Mad Men, and I love me some Mad Men. But first let's talk about my dinner last night: a Chipotle Burrito and a Schmidt's Creme Puff. Inauthentic Mexican food to authentic German dessert is a better winning combination than Jordan and Pippen. It leads to a much greater (not Graeter's ... okay now I'm drooling ... give me a mint to chew on) question: Why do I eat so much food? Yesterday's buffet: Cheerios, banana, cup of strawberries, turkey sandwich, Doritos, sharing size peanut M&Ms, Granny Smith apple, and the aforementioned burrito/creme puff combo for dinner. I also drank 128 ozs or so of water. How many calories are in my First World day? Today will be very similar up to dinner, then I'm thinking some type of pasta (with Schiavone's marinara sauce with basil) and grilled chicken. I am determined to tighten up my cage (basically from my nips to my hips ... too jiggly for me) but the sight of food turns me into Alex the lion from Madagascar. My hair stands up (on my neck people!!! I don't have any hair on my head ... duh!) and I can feel a storm surge of saliva welling up under my tongue. I just like food, okay?!?! Short of going through medical hypnosis, my only answer to gorging everyday is to work out. Or buy Ageless Male .. you've seen the commercials! So what do I do to tighten up the cage? Anyone ... anyone ... Bueller ...

Enough about my waistline! It's Mad Men time! I've waited long enough! Because I am a benevolent blogger, I wait a day to share my thoughts on Mad Men to accommodate my DVR addicted friends. (Sidenote: See the teacher in me coming out? Accommodating everyone to help them reach their goals! I need an award!) This episode was named "Dark Shadows", but "Green Monsters" would have been more apropos. You know green monsters ... those little bolts of jealousy that irrationally shoot through your mind when triggered by minor static in your life. Well there was a lot of static in Manhattan (along with toxic smog - an actual event which killed around 400 New Yorkers on Nov 24, 1966. The origin of the smog is still unknown.) beginning with Don seeing all the ad boards credited to Michael Ginsberg. Bert Cooper may have given Don a wake up call a few weeks ago, but it took Ginsberg's sparks of creativity to start the fire in Don's belly. Don is SCDP's creative genius, at least according to the promotional literature. Don stopped being creative when he no longer needed to get into female undergarments without his wife's approval (necessity is the mother of all invention!!). It's 1966 and he's 40 years old. He's not hip!! Ginsberg is more hip (hipper?) than Andy Warhol. Don senses the challenge to his pride from this young lion, but his well is dry. His snowball's chance in hell ad campaign (featuring fire & the Devil!) is good, but Ginsberg's snowball to the face campaign is better. How does Don cope? He leaves Ginsberg's board behind in the cab ... green monster slain! He dismisses Ginsberg with the "I don't even think about you" jab, but the tide has turned and even Roger sees it. Roger has really taken Marie Calvet's "you should get everything you want" advice to heart (well .. actually he took her advice to the head but that's neither here nor there). He wants to bring in the Manischewitz account without Pete knowing and he enlists Ginsberg to help .. secretly of course. When his soon to be ex-trophy smoking hot gold digger wife Jane flirts a little to obviously with his soon to be client's son, his green monster (I hope it's not really green - there's no shot for that!!) wants her. What does Roger really want? To be able to say he had it first. Primacy at it's best. Betty Draper-Francis makes her first extended appearance of the season, and one fact we learned is not even the best fat-suit can keep the green monster caged!! Betty's curiosity kills the cat when she sees Megan Draper mostly undraped through the bedroom window drapes. Megan was wearing an ab-suit instead of a fat-suit, and the green monster rattled Betty's chains. Don's brief love note to Megan (Dear lovely Megan, I'm going to get a lightbulb. When I get back I will see you better. Love Don) unleashed the green beast in Betty's belly and no amount of Redi-whip was going to reign her back. Betty dropped a Dick Whitman bomb on unsuspecting Sally Draper's family tree, which some people believe was the source of the mysterious smog in NYC on that fateful November day. Luckily Megan saved Don twice - once from raging at Betty through the phone and again when the smog finally hit New York. Unfortunately BethRory Gilmore-Dawes (that is her name!!!) only made it into New York via Pete Campbell's imagination. Just the thought (and what a thought it was .. thanks Pete!!) of BethRory in fur invading Pete's office was enough to get Pete's green monster to lash out against Howard Dawes and his city mistress. Howard laughed off Pete's threat of sleeping with his wife, clearly underestimating what has become an All-Star Extramarital season for Pete. Only four episodes left in this season ... dammit Matthew Weiner!!! Make an extended season one time!!! I need my fix!!!

In other news, the Reds scratched out a 3-1 win over the Atlanta Braves last night to move within a game and a half of the Cardinals. Homer Bailey demonstrated why he is as hard to crack as the Enigma machine (history lesson: Enigma machine was a coding device designed by Germany during WWII. Virtually unbreakable until Allied forces captured several machines and their coding manuals intact. Watch U-571 starring Matty McConaughey for more information.) Last outing he can't get out of the fourth inning (official line: 3 2/3 innings, 6 runs, 6 hits, 3 BBs, 4 Ks) and last night he was throwing 96 mph in the seventh inning (official line: 6 2/3 innings, 1 run, 6 hits, 2 BBs, 3 Ks). His ERA yo-yo's more than Ma. Will the real Homer Bailey please stand up ... please stand up??? The Reds got some clutch hitting when Good Homer left the game. First Dat Dude drove in Joey Votto, then Free Chris Heisey smashed a roller (it literally rolled 200 feet!) to the wall to score Dat Dude. Free Chris was 3/3 with an RBI last night, which means he won't play again for three days. Dusty Custer is just trying to match his swing up with the correct pitchers, and the Reds gotta get Ludwick going. They're going to need him .. quoth the Dustrator. Johnny Cueto throws tonight against Atlanta's Tim Hudson. Should be another titanic struggle .. quoth Marty.

I'm out!!! Open gym time before a big racquetball match. I'm the underdog ... gotta get my game going!!!