Catch the Missile ... if you can!!!

Somebody dropped a caffeine bomb loaded with super bouncy balls inside my head this morning. Or maybe it was the malfunctioning smoke detectors in my house beeping randomly the last two nights at 3 a.m. which has scrambled my thoughts better than Waffle House (scattered, covered & chunked for this guy!). Needless to say there's not much focus going on in Kerrlandia today. I apologize in advance, but not for the Mad Men review!!!

The Cuban Missile tried  to catch up to one of his fastballs Sunday night/Monday morning on a highway outside Columbus. It's really not a good look for the Mercedes S63 (pictured above) when the car clocked in only a couple of ticks higher than the Missile's slider, and ten MPH below his best fastball. Come on Mercedes!!! Your ad campaign as a 'sports' car just got destroyed!!! You're gonna have to pick up the pace Grandma!!! The Grove City police did a better job of catching up to a speeding Missile than Andruw Jones did earlier on Sunday, but unfortunately Aroldis was missing his L's . While a driver's license may be optional in Cuba, it's good to know Fidel still mandates political prisoner mugshot training in his primary schools. Smile!! Either that or Flava Flav lost a necklace. The only thing in Columbus good enough force a late night dash up 71 is a Schmidt's Creme Puff. C-bus is not the City that Never Sleeps though, so the Missile would have been a tad bit early to the German Village eatery. It is good to know someone other than Dusty Custer can slow down the Missile. Kudos GCPD!!! And Aroldis .... get some sleep!

The Crosstown Shoot-Out is moving to U.S. Bank Arena. I guess the powers to be at XU and UC wanted to deaden the crowd and actually play at a morgue in case the violence from last season's game escalates. First off ... let's call the arena what it is: Riverfront Coliseum! Secondly, unless you do what the Cyclones do and sell $2 beers at games, the Coliseum has all the genial ambiance of Cruella De Vil. You want a UC-XU crowd on alcohol fuel? A dalmatian can't change its spots anymore than this game can be turned into a non-rivalry. It should be an intense, heated game ... especially for UC considering all the gnawing Mick Cronin does about lack of attendance at the Bearcats non-league cake eating contests. UC, XU, MU, WSU, NKU and UD should all play in some sort of unofficial Miami Valley 6 challenge with the winner getting some sort of silverware. (Sidenote: Yes I know XU & UD are in the same league. Pick one of the two games to count in the standings for the MV6 Cup.) The big 3 (UC, XU and MU UD) get to go 2-1 with the small 3 (MU, NKU, WSU) and home and home with each other. The Shoemaker Center (5/3rd Arena), Cintas Center and UD Arena are guaranteed sell-outs for each of those games, while the other three venues (Millet Morgue Hall, Nutter Center and BOK Arena) would see their biggest crowds of the season. It's an idea so good only the Hamilton County Commissioners and the Cincinnati City Council would turn it down. Zip 'em up!!

Space X successfully launched this morning about the same time my smoke detectors were detecting ... well I don't know what they were detecting but they sure as hell kept beeping!! You can beat down American invention and know how if you want, but an American corporation did what North Korea could not ... successfully launch a rocket and capsule into orbit. Elon Musk, the entrepreneur not the fragrance, might have been born in South Africa but he knew where he could turn his dreams into reality and it sure as heck wasn't Johannesburg. The world may be flat ... America still sits on a hill overlooking it all (yes .. even the ever growing anthill called China). Musk has now been responsible for the greatest electric car made (Tesla Motors), the easiest payment method on eBay (PayPal) and is now launching rockets into space. If all goes well, the Falcon capsule will dock with the International Space Station on Friday and a new era in space travel will commence. PayPal engage!!

The Reds beat the Braves last night 4-1 behind a very good pitching performance by master klepto locator Mike Leake. If Leake could steal like he pitched last night he would star in Catch Me If You Can II. His pitches moved like a thief evading a mall cop (Paul Blart excepted) and the Braves couldn't follow the dancing ball. The offense came from four solo home runs (somewhere Adam Dunn is slowly nodding his head), two from Drew Stubbs. Mike Leake and Zack Cozart hit back to back shots in the fourth inning which were both caught by the same fan. The ninth inning got a little dicey with the closer-by-committee members Jose Arredondo and Sean Marshall putting runners on 2nd and 3rd before striking out Jason Heyward to end the game. The wins keeps the Reds a half game behind the Cardinals heading into tonight's game. Mat Latos, husband of Dallas Latos, takes the hill for the Reds to be faced by Brandon Beachy. Beachy is off to a great start to the season with a 5-1 record and 1.33 ERA. Latos needs to be more pitch efficient and go deeper into games to have the desired effect on the Reds expected when they shipped their entire AAA team to San Diego for him. At least we got Dallas Latos in the deal.

Do you know the feeling you get when you light a firework only to have it fizzle out as a complete dud? Your expectations for bright explosions turn out like Facebook stock (down 6% today). That's how I was left feeling Sunday night around 10:50 when it became apparent Don and Joan were not going to drive the shiny red Jaguar home from the bar together. I thought the least Matty Weiner could do in this episode for Don would be to write in something good happening. First Don dutifully accompanies Megan to an anti-capitalist play where the actors were using Rip Hamilton's plastic masks. Then Lane forges Don's name on a company check as part of an embezzlement scheme to pay off Lane's tax bill in England. Just when Don gets a chance to explode some sexual napalm with Joan ... he blinks. Don never blinks!!!! What is the Madison Avenue world coming to when Pete Campbell is cleaning up on Wisteria Lane and Don is laying his bat down in Midtown Manhattan??? Joan may not have offered herself up the way Lakshmi did to Harry (I'm burning for you ... take me like this), but all Don had to do was RSVP to the invitation and BBBOOOOOMMMMM!! I'm sure the napalm inferno would have reduced the SCDP offices to ashes the way Joan reduced the receptionist to tears after receiving her divorce papers, so maybe Matty was keeping Don's best interest at heart. But the night didn't get any better for Don, coming home to flying plates of spaghetti from his wife. My screen was pixalating but I think Don said, "I forgot to call ... I'm home late ... blow a gasket. Psh!!! I'm Don Draper .. check the name on my back .. I come home when I want!!!" right before the noodles flew furiously. While Megan may have missed him with the fine china, she hit the bullseye with her dagger detailing Don's lack of satisfaction at SCDP. He can't get no .... satisfaction .... until the company Christmas party when he goes Knute Rockne about the prospect of winning the Jaguar contract. Don's speech was the culmination of Bert Cooper's boot to his rear, Mikey Ginsberg sparking a fire in his belly and Megan's splash of cold, hard reality to the face. It remains to be seen if Don can unleash the creative genius which has served him so well in the past. He's the Mariano Rivera of winning advertising pitches ... can he do it again? Enter Sandman!!!

Nice article on former Bengal Jon Kitna I picked up from a loyal reader! I hope I would have done the same had I achieved my hoop dreams.

Carpel Tunnel is acting up. Gotta get some rest. Talk tomorrow.

P.S. Robin Gibb ... is not .. staying alive, staying alive. RIP