Get your lighters ready!!! It's Administrative Assistants Day!!!! Believe the hype!!! It's a huge holiday!!! People are talking about it everywhere!!! Celebrations for all!!!
Barca Hype
Except for poor Lionel Messi ... only Peggy Olson bounced off more wood than Lio did in Barcelona's draw with Chelsea during yesterday's Champions League semi-final. Even when Barcelona got their fair advantage of playing 11 on 10 for 53 minutes (which is growing tiresome. In Barca's last three knockout stage must win games, the other team has mysteriously had a player sent off for one reason or another. Chelsea in 2012, Arsenal in 2011, and Inter Milan in 2010. Hey UEFA! Barca is good enough to win 11 v. 11 so let them!!) and missing a penalty kick, they could only manage a 2-1 lead which tied the two-legged matches' aggregate score at 3-3. Then suddenly Chelsea's Fernando Torres, who scores as frequently as Mister Rogers in a whorehouse, turned into Bo Jackson on Techmo Bowl and galloped off on a 50 yard breakaway toward goal in the last minute of the match. Barca goalkeeper Victor Valdes made a futile attempt to stop 'Nando from putting the ball into the net, and Chelsea sprinted into the Champions League final with a 4-3 aggregate win. The only positive for Barcelona is four of their players were named to the Spanish Olympic Diving team and are considered the favorites in that competition. Reportedly the four players are ecstatic to be able to share Speedo-clothed hugs with Cristiano Ronaldo in London. Don't, don't, don't believe the hype!!
Messi Hype
Back to Messi ... can we stop with the Michael Jordan comparisons now? I'll concede that Messi is the best soccer player in the world today. However he is not at the same level in soccer that Michael Jordan was in basketball. My proof? When did MJ miss a crucial shot at the end of a must-win playoff game? Oh .. that's right ... he didn't. I'm not talking about the Washington Wizards MJ. I'm talking about Chicago Bulls MJ ... MJ in his prime ... winner of six straight championships MJ. (I do not include his "I'm back"-returning-from-baseball cameo season. When he played a full season, the Bulls won six straight. End of argument.) Without googling, name a player other than Scottie Pippen on one of the first three championship teams. Crickets!! Other than Scottie Pippen and Dennis Rodman, who else played on the last three championship teams?? Jordan had Pippen and that was it. Messi is in his prime right now and has most of the best soccer players in the world on his team (Valdes, Pique, Puyol, Alves, Busquets, Xavi, & Iniesta are all in the discussion as best in the world at their position). He couldn't get it done when he needed to against Chelsea. He missed a PK!!! Jordan buried jumpers over whole teams, from Ehlo to Dumars to Russell. Messi is good .. he's not Pele. Only Pele is equivalent to His Airness. For you tweeters ... MJ = Pele >>>> Messi. Don't, don't, don't believe the hype!!
Obama Hype
President B-Rock Obama was on the Jimmy Fallon Show last night slow jamming Stafford Loans. Auto-tune the man please!!! His singing voice needs some help!!! So do some of his policies!!! However the sexual mis-adventures of the Secret Service can't be pinned on the Preezy of the United Steezy (thank you Jimmy Fallon!). For those of you ideologically blinded by political partisanship, the Secret Service agents are not appointed or chosen by the Preezy. The Secret Service is currently part of the Department of Homeland Security after being reassigned in 2003 from the Department of Treasury. Becoming a Secret Service agent is a career, not a political appointment. If anything people appointed by B-Rock (Mark Sullivan is the Director of the Secret Service) are doing their job in asking for the resignations of the individuals involved in the improper behavior. Unfortunately the political rhetoric of a campaign year causes
Old Lady Hype
On my way into school today, I was lazily munching on my morning Cheerio while tooling down Tylersville Road headed to I-71. As I passed through the school zone by Mason Middle School there was a series of beeps from a car horn. Howard Stern was interview a 17 year old kid who made a great song and video (NSFS ... look it up yourself!!) so it wasn't until the 7th or 8th beep that I decided to see what all the commotion was about. So imagine my shock when I discover I was the commotion!!! An old lady in a Buick Regal was honking and pointing at me!!! I immediately thought she must be a paparazzi spotter so I frantically searched for cameramen on motorcycles zooming up to get my picture. I mean I did have my stunna shades on and with my freshly shaved dome resemble Pitbull in my convertible. But seeing only backpack laden 13 year olds headed into school and mocha frappa sipping moms in SUVs, I relaxed a little but the honking continued. Finally I realized she was mad that I was exceeding the school zone speed limit!!! I was flying through there at 25 mph!!! Oh the humanity!!! But you can't flip off a grandma or Barney Fife, so I just kept on driving. My question to you, my loyal readers, is two fold: 1 - Have you ever been chastised for your driving behaviors by a fellow motorist when you were causing them no harm? and 2 - Would you ever honk at someone who was causing no harm by their driving? For those of you keeping score at home, my answers are Yes to #1 and No to #2. I'll freely admit to pretending to be Mario Andretti, Dale Earnhardt, Jeff Gordon, and Tony Stewart rolled into one behind the wheel. But one speed limit I try to stay close to is the school zone speed limit. Even though I think 20 mph is as outdated as N'Sync, I understand the logic behind the number. Driving 20 mph is hard though ... cars go that fast by themselves. So 25 is acceptable to everyone but the blue-haired lady in the Regal. Don't, don't, don't believe the hype you old blue-hair!!!
Reds Hype
Latos looked very good and the bats were alive. The Reds are now 8-9 which is still below expectations. I'm headed down to GABP tonight - weather permitting - to gather information on Dusty Custer and the boys. I'll report back tomorrow with my findings. Until then ... Don't, don't, don't believe the hype!!!!!
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